yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
