In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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