i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
