I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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