3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
