I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
