even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
