He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
