you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
