I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
