My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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