Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
