I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my being single is dangerous.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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