It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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