I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
