I puked a lego.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
