I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
