just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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