my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Semen is not good for contacts.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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