Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
