i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You're like the curious george of whores
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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