I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize