my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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