fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
