how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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