1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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