I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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