I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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