Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
