i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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