I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
