wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
