when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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