I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
