I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
