If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
