You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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