it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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