Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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