walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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