So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
