and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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