K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she looked like the before picture.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I supernannyed him into submission
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
