She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
