o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
