I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
