my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
