Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
