Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
