I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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