is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
