I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
