Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize