i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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