Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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