I just cut my nipple shaving
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
