I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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