New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
this is an emotional support booty call
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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