Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I love having hate sex.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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