i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
