I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
